In Congress, the Fourth of July — a Proclamation
Declare Independence from Hangovers.
This Fourth of July, sever ties with every grievance that has ever ruined a good party. Enter your charges, sign your name, and claim what's owed to a free patriot.
★ Est. 1776 · Reissued for the modern republic of good decisions ★
Article No. I
The List of Grievances
What do you hereby abolish?
A free people must first name what oppresses them. Strike every grievance you mean to abolish — one to begin a rebellion, three for a proper revolution.
Article No. II
The Declaration
A Declaration of Independence
Make it official: sign your name on the document below, then add your state and email to ratify.
The Unanimous Declaration of the Republic of Good Decisions
When in the course of a perfectly good Fourth of July it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the bonds which have tied them to every grievance that ruins a good party — we hold these truths to be self-evident: that all parties are created equal, and that the best of them end without regret.
We, ———— of ————, do therefore solemnly publish and declare ourselves free: to celebrate lighter, to wake clearer, and to keep the good part of the night without the part we would take back.
Ratified, entered, and sealed. Now learn what manner of free patriot you are.
next, your dispositionArticle No. III
Your Disposition
Be it known.
By the grievances you have struck, the record names you thus — and assigns your ration.
Article No. IV
The Bounty
Break the seal, claim your liberty.
Every signature earns its dividend. Break the seal but once — what lies beneath is yours to keep.
Article No. VI
The National Ledger
Entered into the public record.
The official tally of declarations, rolling in from every colony. You do not rebel alone.
Figures shown for demonstration. Bind to your live declarations endpoint in production.
Article No. VII
The Provisions
Lay in your supplies.
No bloat. No hangover. No regrettable dispatches. Stock the cooler for a free Fourth.
And for the support of this Declaration —
Celebrate lighter.
Stay free.
The record is signed, the seal is broken, the bounty is yours. The only matter left is the cooler.